I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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