dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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