I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
