She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
