I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
