im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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