In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I seem to have left my pride at pride
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we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
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Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.