Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL