it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dating After Heartbreak
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.