I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.