drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket