That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome