the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.