I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize