just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
