you would pick up someone in the library
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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