Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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