Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
