I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
