I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
