I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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