There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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