Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
