He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
