Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
