that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
