i may or may not be watching the land before time
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
