Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
