I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
