You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
