Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
it's like iHOP with fire
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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