My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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