Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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