remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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