I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize