why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
