I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize