Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.