It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
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drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob