Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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