I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time