i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
