I have demons in me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
