went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
no, he came in my armpit
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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