i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
did i just pee glitter
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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