Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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