sorry about calling you the devil all night.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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