At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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