My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
