Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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