wakey wakey hands off snakey
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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