Whod you bang
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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