Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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