He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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