just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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