He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
