I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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