I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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