Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
