If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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