last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
