it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
