honey bunches of taint.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
