She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
