escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
false alarm. still invincible.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
